


i found a girl

by throwaway18



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, F/F, Romance, jenlisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 20:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20414125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/throwaway18/pseuds/throwaway18
Summary: a jenlisa two-shot:because let’s face it, jennie kim is a person who fangirls over boybands, drools over the hottest leading men on screen and reports to her friends giddily about a cute boy she had seen.it’s absurd to begin with.





	1. interlude

**Author's Note:**

> this story is, of course, purely fictional and is for my creative outlet
> 
> please do not link this story to any of the girls as i respect their privacy, and again, i write my stories out of entertainment and nothing more
> 
> with that said, please ship responsibly and be kind to one another
> 
> (cross-posted on aff)
> 
> original date started: 02-15-19  
original date finished: 02-24-19

_ **"'cause i found a girl, who's in love with a girl"** _

_based on the song by the vamps_

* * *

** **

It all starts when she’s thirteen.

Sports aren’t part of Jennie’s forte, getting easily exhausted from the smallest bit of physical activity. So when Sam invites her to play a game of volleyball, Jennie politely declines and opts to watch from the sidelines as Sam finds another willing opponent nearby.

The game begins and Sam makes a horrible serve, the ball barely making contact with her hands, causing her opponent and Jennie to explode in a fit of laughter. Jennie runs for the ball and throws it to Sam. She gives it one more try. Her seconds serve is far better, rather impressive and she happily gives a brief thumbs up to Jennie who claps at her successful attempt. But the moment the ball bounces back towards her court, she misses lamely and Jennie laughs once again.

Sam isn’t the type to give up though, and from the few short years Jennie has known her, it’s the challenge and the enjoyment of the game that keeps her going. The way she giggles away her mistakes, Jennie admittedly sees it as—dare she say it—_cute_ in a manner that isn’t annoying unlike other girls who try _too_ hard at coming off as silly.

But for Sam, it’s something that’s natural to her, with her complete disregard for her unkept hair as it constantly flies towards her face and the obvious fact that she can’t play volleyball to save her life yet she initiated the match.

She’s quite the scatterbrain but it works, and Jennie could go on and on about the things that people would usually find as unpleasant but would totally be different on Sam.

“Like what you see?”

Jennie jumps in her spot when a classmate approaches her unexpectedly from behind. It’s Fiona, someone from their friend group and Jennie embarrassingly blushes a little because it feels like the girl, who is now standing right next to her, had just invaded her tiny moment of privacy with her own thoughts. Jennie clears her throat, tucks a lose strand behind her ear and acts as if her sudden arrival had not startled her.

She smiles at Fiona and says, “I’m really not into sports.”

“Apparently so is Sam but I’m not talking about the sport, Jen.”

“What?” Jennie whips her head to Fiona faster than she’s intended and the girl doesn’t do as much as dart her eyes between Jennie and Sam, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively, a teasing grin filling her lips.

Now, Jennie is sure that the heat from her cheeks has spread all over her face, even feeling it as far as the tip of her ears. Hell, her whole face feels burning hot. But what she can’t understand is why her body has this unexplainable reaction to this situation. All she did was admire one of her friends in her head, list her good qualities.

People do that.

It’s not like she’s…

_Nope._

She isn’t even going to go there.

“What?” Jennie asks again, her eyes widening in surprise. She tones down the volume of her voice, ensuring that other people won’t be able to hear them. “No, no, no.” She laughs, trying not to sound rattled but her nervousness gives it away. “You got it all wrong. Besides, she’s a girl. A _girl_,” Jennie says the last word slowly as if emphasizing it would get her point across.

Because let’s face it, Jennie Kim is a person who fangirls over boybands, drools over the hottest leading men on screen and reports to her friends giddily about a cute boy she had seen.

It’s absurd to begin with.

“I’m just saying though, girls can like girls too.”

And Fiona leaves her with that.

Jennie pretends not to hear it.

Three days later, she starts seeing a boy. It’s not anything serious.

It lasts for three weeks.


	2. she's got that smile and that body is to die for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part one: she's got that smile and that body is to die for

Sometimes, Jennie feels like she’s not doing enough. Feels like she’s incompetent. Feels like she doesn’t deserve to belong amongst the talented trainees of YG, and she’s sticking out like a sore thumb.

Maybe she had gotten through auditions by a stroke of luck.

It’s no wonder she’s had a shitty evaluation three days ago.

Karma must have hit her after she’s told her mother off about not wanting to pursue further education in the US. It enraged the woman, but she eventually relented upon realizing her daughter would only wallow in misery, being shipped off into another country.

Again.

And it’s not as if her father was pleased about it either. They’d spent a fortune in providing her a high quality education and to have her snubbing at the opportunity of attending a _higher _quality education took a bit of a toll on him. He didn’t show it as visibly as her mother did. Her dad is a passive man, making short comments here and there. Though, he had never vocalized going against her decision. He had simply nodded, asked which entertainment company she was interested in and that was that.

Her parents wanted her to be a successful professional at a respected field one day so Jennie hadn’t exactly anticipated for their one-hundred percent support. She was shocked to find her mother fussing over buying her new outfits, dropping by the dorms to deliver homecooked meals, asking for a sample of the raps she had been practicing on. And even her dad would send her texts of encouragement in between his busy schedule and that’s as showy as the man gets.

So struggling to keep up at this very moment is a huge slap in the face.

She restarts the music, the fast-paced song reverberating through the solo practice room, and dances to the same routine she’s been working on then hastily stops it when her moves don’t match to the beat of the song. Shutting her eyes in frustration, she breathes in and out, in and out, until she recomposes herself.

“Um, do you need any help?”

Jennie’s eyes trail to the doorway where a boyish looking girl stands in the way. If it isn’t for her very feminine but low voice, Jennie would have seriously assumed for her to be a male trainee. She dons a short boy-cut hair and her tall lanky figure is dressed in a loose button down shirt and jeans which were rolled up above the ankles. People have been talking about the new trainee and she hasn’t had the chance to meet her until now.

“I can manage.” Jennie forms a weak smile, forcing out a mannerly but frank response, “And not to be rude or anything, but you’ve only been here for a week.”

“I’ve seen the choreography,” she tells Jennie, pronouncing her words carefully, her accent hinting that she’s only learned Korean recently.

The girl honestly looks lost, her eyes wandering around the room, and it wouldn’t be surprising if she had stumbled upon the solo practice room by accident. No one really goes through these halls after six.

Jennie switches to speaking in English, “Thanks, but no. And you’re free to speak to me in English. I won’t tell.” She reassures her, aware of the _no English speaking policy_ trainees have to abide with in conversing with the foreign trainee, and walks to where her duffle bag is to retrieve her phone. She informs Chahee on her whereabouts and how she won’t be joining her for dinner tonight, while expecting the foreigner to take her cue to leave.

Instead, the girl releases a breath Jennie didn’t know how long she had been holding in and she hears footsteps echo inside the room. Jennie isn’t trying to be mean or be a bitch or whatever, but she’s sure she hasn’t mentioned an invitation for her to come in.

“I appreciate it but it’s taken us a month to learn the choreography, and—”

Music blares into life, the vibrations of the sound system thumping underneath Jennie’s aching feet. Her blood boils. Good dancer or not, she’s not in the mood to be schooled by someone who hasn’t faced the wraths of evaluations. _Who does this girl think she is?_

Irritation is bubbling in her chest, suds of uncalled profanity ready to slip from her mouth. She wants to play nice, _wants to_, but the newbie is making it especially hard, getting into position on the dance floor.

The words die and try in Jennie’s mouth as soon as the girl dances. Like she’s been learning the choreography her entire life. Her movements are effortlessly sharp, fluid dance moves following to the beat of the music in great precision, all of which Jennie hasn’t been able to master yet. She even adds her own twist to the routine, doing a body roll and a cartwheel at the end.

Jennie’s jaw drops.

So maybe the other trainees really weren’t overreacting with the whole _photographic memory_ thing.

The foreigner approaches her shyly in easy strides, not looking the least bit exhausted. As if dancing came naturally as breathing did to her.

“The offer still stands.” She stretches her hand out. Jennie isn’t one to trust easily but there is something about this girl she couldn’t quite put a finger on. Something that draws her in. Something that breaks her suspicions of new friendships in this world of competition. The girl’s eyes radiate of hope, glancing at her outstretched hand for Jennie to take.

Jennie sighs and thinks, _what the hell_, as she shakes it.

The foreigner beams at her full on with her pearly white teeth and hey, she’s kind of cute in a younger brother sort of way. So Jennie returns the smile and the newbie eases up, shoulders relaxing.

“I’m Jennie.”

“My name’s Lalisa. You can call me, Lisa.”

***

“Did you just get back?” Miyeon catches her in the hallway when Jennie arrives at the dorm.

In the span of two hours, Jennie was able to get the hang of the choreography, fixing her past mistakes with Lisa guiding her patiently. Lisa was an impeccable teacher, showing her the basics and a few techniques to improve her form and synchronization. It all made sense upon learning that Lisa had been dancing since she was around five years old.

“Yeah. And I’ve finally met that new trainee. I totally believe you now.”

“What did I tell you, she’s good, huh?”

“She even taught me the new dance routine.”

It’s Miyeon’s turn to be impressed, head lurching forward at the revelation. “Did she? While she’s only been here for a week?”

“Trust me she did.” Jennie gestures to Miyeon’s wallet and keys in hand. “Where are you off to?”

“Juice run. Wanna come?”

“I’m beat,” Jennie says, her muscles screaming to be relieved of the pain. “Maybe some other time.” She bids her goodbye and heads to her dorm room.

If it wasn’t for Lisa, Jennie would probably still be stuck dancing to the first thirty seconds of the song. It can be a rarity for someone to willingly help a fellow trainee with something, since people tend to view everyone else as their competitor. So Jennie is tremendously thankful. She fishes out her Blackberry from her front pocket, typing in a quick message.

**You**

Hey it’s jennie. Thank u again for today

I’d be dead by the next evaluation if you hadn’t taught me

_8:45 pm_

**Lalisa**

no problem. but i should be thanking u unnie

_8:48 pm_

**You**

For what?

_8:49 pm_

**Lalisa**

for being my new friend :)

_8:50 pm_

***

Jennie has always been rebellious in nature, though not to the extent it would get her disowned in her family. Just the adequate amount of rebelliousness to get her what she wants. Like, when she had ignored her mother’s wishes for her to be come a future lawyer or teacher and fought for her dream to become an artist. So unsurprisingly, she has also ignored one of YG’s golden rule of prohibiting interactions between the opposite sex.

“Aren’t we going to be in trouble?”

Bobby is a cool guy she had accidentally bumped into one fateful night when she had gone out for her infamous midnight snack raid. The two had gone alone separately, and with Bobby coming from the US, it was a breath of fresh air for him to meet another trainee who spoke English. They discovered they both loved to rap so their common interests had shaped their bond.

“You’re worried now?” Jennie asks calmly, leaning back into her chair across him. Besides, they’re at a convenient store a couple of blocks away from the dorms and trainees barely go in here because the store is just tucked in so quaintly, almost unnoticeable, at the residential area. Jennie likes it. It’s quiet, and she and Bobby chill at this place to isolate themselves from everyone else in their own English bubble.

“I’m still fairly new,” Bobby points out then sips on his Yakult. “Say, I’ve met some female trainees outside too ya know. You’ve been keeping your cute and hot friends from me.” He tuts at her.

Jennie rolls her eyes. “You are such a boy.”

“You are such a girl,” Bobby counters childishly. “Did you know I had a crush on you when I came in?”

“Yeah, I mean, not that your staring was obvious.”

“Hey! I was subtle.”

“Sure, if that helps you sleep at night…”

“The ways you burn my ego, Jen.” Bobby dramatically places his hand over his chest, feigning a wounded expression on his face. It only earns him a second eyeroll from Jennie. He switches onto another topic. “So some of the guys are curious about this dancer who was featured on YouTube.”

“Oh, Lisa?”

“So that’s her name! The foreigner right?” Bobby clarifies. “I think some of them met her before but they said she looked different then and now.”

Jennie could attest to that.

Lisa’s hair had gotten longer, now reaching past her shoulders and puberty is currently doing its magic by shooting up her height while Jennie watches in jealousy.

_“It’s okay, unnie, I’ll be here to give you a piggyback ride to get to the top shelf!”_

Jennie had initially pegged Lisa to be the quiet type, a first impression she had in their first meeting. She was demure and hesitant in the beginning, however, everything changed when her true colors emerged little by little as Jennie got to know her.

Lisa is loud, hyperactive and very talkative, like a snotty five year-old on a sugar rush stuck in a fifteen year-old’s body. Jennie could immediately tell whenever she’s coming to see her, Lisa’s voice booming from the hallway of the dorm.

She hadn’t originally planned on gaining a best friend during her trainee years, yet, here she was, convincing someone to sneak out at two in the morning because she was craving for some poptarts (_“What’s a poptart?” _Lisa asked her curiously. _“More reason for you to come with me!” _Jennie exclaimed).

And it’s not just Lisa’s eagerness for late-night adventures that Jennie likes about her, she’s easy to talk to as well. Jennie confides in her most of the time, texting each other after lights out until dawn and picking up where they left off in person the next day. It helps that Lisa isn’t one to judge either, with the rumor mill among the trainees brewing something crazy day by day. So when a particularly hurtful rumor spreads about her, Lisa is there to comfort her in a second (the same scenario goes for vice versa), saying things like: _don’t mind them, unnie, some people misunderstand others because they’ve been misunderstood too, a sad cycle don’t you think?_

Jennie doubts the younger girl has a hateful bone in her body.

It’s only been a couple of months since they’ve met but Lisa has definitely grown on her.

***

“Aww, who is this cutie next to you?”

Roseanne Park is a brand new trainee, hailing all the way from Australia, and her thick Aussie accent gives Jennie this nostalgic feeling, sounding so similar to her friends back in New Zealand. It had been her home for five years and for the first time ever, she’s catching some homesickness for the foreign country.

“What are you talking about?” Jennie asks.

The girls have been up for hours, welcoming Rosé into their group who has wowed everyone with her melodic singing voice as she sang and played on her guitar for them. But when the clock struck two, Miyeon stretches her arms and lets out a yawn, declaring that she’s done for tonight, leaving the four of them behind in Rosé’s new dorm room which she will be sharing with Lisa.

“This one!” Rosé flashes her the photo in her hand and Jennie studies it. Her face burns at the insinuation, mouth tilting upwards in acknowledgement at the person, then laughs it off before tugging Lisa’s arm.

“Oh my gosh, she called you a cutie!”

“This is Lisa?!” Rosé asks in bewilderment, inspecting the picture more intently, causing Lisa to hide her face in her palms, evidently embarrassed by it. Jennie could remember the number of times she had ranted about regretting having the short haircut, especially when younger trainees had mistakenly referred to her as _oppa_.

“That’s our Lisa-oppa.” Jisoo jokes, stroking Lisa’s chestnut brown hair.

“Don’t be shy, Lice! If it helps, I’d totally date you if you were a guy.” Rosé winks at her humorously, prompting Lisa to slap her playfully, like they’ve been this close since forever.

There’s something in what Rosé said that Jennie mulls over, that she finds herself staring at the old picture taken years ago when she once levelled with Lisa in terms of height. As Rosé and Lisa bicker while Jisoo acts as the mediator, Jennie silently agrees to herself with Rosé’s statement.

_I’d totally date you if you were a guy._

***

“Oh, look at you!” Jisoo browses through the sample photos from Lisa’s Nonagon photoshoot, briefly abandoning her cup of yogurt in her other hand.

“Nothing compared to what you’ve done!” Lisa says humbly.

“Still! You’ve got yourself a gig!” Rosé plops onto the space beside Jisoo on the lower bunk of Jisoo and Jennie’s bed.

“I actually thought I was going to be alone during the shoot but Bobby was there too.”

“He was?” Jennie pipes from behind the door of the mini fridge she had smuggled in. She’s looking for something, _something_, now she can’t remember what. She ducks her head back and scans through the contents once more. _Great. The milk’s expired. _She grimaces at the expiry date. “Was he being nice?”

“Super!”

“He’s a cool guy, isn’t he?” Jisoo waves her spoon around before digging in to her yogurt. “It wasn’t awkward when I worked with him.”

“He’s that comfortable to be with,” Jennie says, still scanning around the food for whatever she’s looking for. She also makes a mental note to send Bobby a text later, curious about his side of things regarding the photoshoot. It’s not always that Lisa gets to meet a male trainee for a gig, apart from her appearance in Taeyang’s music video.

“Unnie, is it true you guys had a thing when he started?” Rosé inquires Jennie in between chewing her sliced bread.

“So not true,” Jennie laughs contemptuously. God those rumors other trainees were spreading were ridiculous. “We’re just really good friends. Still are.”

_What is she looking for again?_

***

Jennie’s love life becomes the farthest thing she thinks about for the incoming years as she focuses her energy on debuting which proved to be worth it.

Her fears of being unable to debut had been plaguing her for some time. The intense fear had nearly caused her to drop everything and quit, but with the girls’ assurance, not to mention Lisa’s easy-going smile and upbeat attitude towards the future, Jennie had regained her confidence. She wouldn’t have survived it all without her members.

“Okay, so manager-oppa has trusted us to be by ourselves today so _please_ be at your best behavior,” Jennie says, buckling her seatbelt.

Jisoo chimes in, “Yeah, listen to your unnis, kids!”

Jennie raises an eyebrow at her. “I was talking to you.”

“Unnie! You got something on your face.”

When Jennie peers over her shoulder to the maknae sitting behind her, she gets extremely flushed at Lisa’s extremely close proximity, mere inches separating their faces. The girl had sprung up on her like a Jack-in-a-box, taking Jennie by surprise.

“Don’t move or your make-up will be ruined.” Lisa instructs her.

Jennie wordlessly complies.

Lisa steadies herself amidst the moving vehicle, hands delicately poking at the side of Jennie’s cheek, while Jennie herself desperately steadies her quickening heart rate. She tries, _tries_, to distract herself from anything other than Lisa’s profile but all her eyes could concentrate on is Lisa’s prominent nose, the smoothness of her face, her beautiful round eyes, her pink plump lips glistening from the lip gloss she had applied on earlier, how her slightly opened mouth paves way to her breath lightly fanning Jennie’s own lips—

_Oh God._

_Stop._

“Got it!”

“Personal space, Lice.” Jennie angles her face away from hers, hoping the younger girl wouldn’t notice the lilt in her tone.

Jisoo scoffs in disbelief, “Says the person who slept in my room and pushed me out of my own bed.”

***

“Hurry up or we’re going to be late!”

Jisoo is whizzing past everyone around the dorm, grabbing her things, stuffing them haphazardly into her carry-on bag and jumping over Lisa’s half-packed suitcase. They had woken up two hours late and Jennie’s thankful that she had readied her belongings the night before in case the inevitable, as in snoozing their alarm clock, happens.

Which did.

Lisa is eating breakfast in the kitchen, munching on dry cereal (no one bothered to buy milk when they ran out), moving like they don’t have a plane to catch.

Jennie gapes at her bandmate, nagging thoughts of their face-to-face encounter washing over her. It must have been the closeness, Jennie deduces, that her body made that inexplicable reaction. Anyone else would have. She was needlessly overthinking things, needlessly overthinking over nothing.

“Ooh! What if I put coffee in my cereal to speed things up?”

“What if you don’t.” Jennie swiftly steals the pot of coffee from Lisa’s hold

Yup.

It was nothing.

They had miraculously made it to their flight to Japan, something they really couldn’t miss or their boss would whoop their asses for delaying their preparation time for their Japan debut showcase. There were interviews, photoshoots, dance practices lined up and missing or rescheduling any of those would mean money going down the drain. Their manager wasn’t too ecstatic at their buzzer beater kind of arrival but they made it anyway, it’s what mattered.

Their Japanese welcome had been overwhelming, fans upon fans showering them with support, wishing them goodluck, offering them presents and whatnot which pushed Jennie’s excitement for their performance to another tier.

As the time comes for the actual show, Jennie hypes the crowd, an exhilarating experience as they bounce in place, screaming their name. The familiar intro to _Boombayah_ plays within the arena and the crowd goes even more hyped up.

The girls dance to their song, practiced and memorized every single step that it’s forever engraved into their heads. In a certain part of the choreography, Lisa is behind Jennie as Rosé sings her verse.

Jennie is hyperaware of Lisa’s hands on the sides of her thighs, fingertips gently brushing against her. And the moment her brain registers that Lisa is tracing along the lines on her legs, a jolt of electricity runs through her toes, up to her knees, her oddly upset belly, her pounding chest and to her reddening face.

She lets out a tiny yelp.

“Did you just squeak?” Rosé whispers to her.

“Felt a bug on my leg.” Jennie whispers back quickly.

_It’s nothing. _

_Really nothing._

***

Jennie and Bobby remain friends.

Although Bobby has been in the industry two years longer than she has, he’s still the same down-to-earth knucklehead she’s known in their early trainee days. Their meet-ups have significantly dwindled from every week, to twice a month, to once every other month, then to whenever their schedules permitted.

They had also upgraded their location from the confines of the cozy convenience store to the privacy and comfort of Seungri’s ramen restaurant, the perks of being acquainted with him. He had notified his staff and granted them access from the backdoor entrance so as not to spark any dating scandal, which could scathe Jennie’s premature idol reputation.

“Okay, tell me about your life so far. Stuff that the media doesn’t show and know,” Bobby says expectantly, handing the menu back to their waiter.

“Nothing really,” Jennie replies honestly. There hasn’t been much going on in her life outside the cameras. She spends most of her free time leisurely as she can, holed up in her room, binging on Netflix, cuddling with her dogs, Kai and Kuma. “Just—” her words are cut off by the incessant buzzing of her phone on the wooden table. She glances at Bobby apologetically. “Hold up a sec.”

Jennie presses her phone onto her ear. “Hey, Rosie, what’s up?”

“Unnie!”

There’s a banging or clanking noise in the background, Jennie’s not sure. Something like a can hitting against another object.

“Are you guys alright?”

“Um, don’t know what to do here, but uh, Lisa’s got her hand stuck in a Pringles can.”

_Ah, that explains it._

Jennie stifles a giggle, earning a curious “What is it?” from Bobby, who is observing her phone call with a tilt of his head. She holds up a hand, signaling for him to wait.

“Isn’t Jisoo-unnie with you guys?”

“Yeah. All she did was ask what flavor it was then went back to sleep.”

Jennie shakes her head, sighing at this peculiar situation only Lisa would make possible to be in. “Pour some oil into the can, or anything slippery. I’m sure her hand will slide off.”

“Gotcha.”

_“Chaeng! Tell unnie I said hi and I miss her and—”_

The line goes dead.

Jennie stares into the screen of her phone, wondering if that conversation really just happened or it was all a weird hazy dream. She reverts her attention to Bobby.

“Lisa got her hand stuck in a Pringles can.”

“_A Pringles can?_”

“Yeah, I know.”

“What a child,” Bobby comments with a hearty chuckle.

Jennie nods, an endearing smile gracing her lips. “Lisa gets into these unusual situations, God knows how, but she’s the most serious when trying to resolve conflicts and is always the best at cheering people up.”

When she finishes, Bobby crosses his arms over his chest, a smug look plastered on his face. His eyes disappear in his amusement.

Jennie knows that look, uses that look herself whenever she would tease Bobby years prior about his not-so-obvious crush on Jisoo (who wouldn’t though?). An odd sensation fills her stomach, being the receiving end of such a taunting expression.

“So Lisa, huh?”

“What?” A lump forms at the base of Jennie’s throat. An invisible spotlight shines on her, crowning over her head, the thoughts she had shoved and locked away in the _uncharted territory_ portion of her brain escaping, flooding back to her. Like a sailor calling for the waves to bring them ashore.

“Oh, nothing. Just that your face has this glow when you mentioned her.”

_No, no, no. She can’t be having this conversation again._

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Come on, Jen,” Bobby starts, a comforting hand covers her clammy one, perspiration seeping through her palms. The memory of her thirteen year-old self unfolds in front of her eyes, snapshots of New Zealand, her friends, Sam, her short-lived relationship. And Jennie knows, _knows_, the next words that would fall out of Bobby’s mouth, dread clear as day etched on her features.

“Girls can like girls too.”


	3. why tell me why, did I fall for those eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part two: why tell me why, did I fall for those eyes

No, no, no.

Nil.

Nay.

Nada.

Bobby’s words echo in Jennie’s head more often than they should. They travel back to her mind no matter how much she ignores them, like a whip constantly pulling at its target, just drawing it closer and closer, until Jennie’s thoughts are preoccupied by Bobby’s preposterous implication.

She had played it cool, as cool as a melting ice cube when a drop of sweat had trickled down her forehead. The rational part of her brain had told her it was caused by the lighting above them. Yup. It’s all the horribly chosen lighting’s fault, causing her to sweat in her seat despite the air conditioning blasting a chilly breeze at them.

But Bobby still waited for a response.

Somehow, Jennie wanted to throw him rebuttal of her own. An explanation which would make more sense than his silly statement. Unfortunately, Jennie had choked on her words and instead, simply shook her head disregarding Bobby’s inquisitive look.

Bobby had taken it as a sign to leave the subject behind, a feat of his Jennie is thankful for. He knows how to stop, knows where his boundaries are at if things can get too uncomfortable for the other person.

But what is Jennie exactly uncomfortable about?

Was it the suggestive expression on his face?

Or.

Was it the words she had been shoving at the back of her head?

Jennie huffs into her pillow in exasperation.

She reaches for her phone on the bed and checks for the time, growing more exasperated at the bright 3:45 AM flashing at her mockingly. Her hand blindly flings her phone to the side, the thud, thud, thud noise it makes upon falling to the floor disturbs Kuma from his deep slumber. He scampers his way up to her bed in surprise, cowering against her chest.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Jennie mumbles into his ear, soothing his soft fur with her palm. Kuma hums in satisfaction at the touch, drifting into sleep as his beady doggy eyes flutter closed in an instant. His gentle snores spread in her room, a sound that usually lulled Jennie into a spell of drowsiness.

Right now, however, no spell could render her asleep.

She looks at Kuma’s sleeping form, stomach rising and falling from his even breathing. And in that moment, she envies her dog.

***

Blackpink’s comeback has become Jennie’s saving grace.

The preparation period had preoccupied everyone from recordings, to dance practices, and daily workout routines that Jennie hardly thought about her conversation with Bobby. Hardly. It comes to her at random. Sometimes when she’s eating or taking a shower, hell, even when the person in question is in the same room as her. But since her main focus had been the completion of their album and Ddu-du Ddu-du, Jennie had easily brushed it aside, sweeping the nagging thoughts under the rug.

And when the comeback itself had commenced, Jennie found herself drowning with work so really, she had no time to think about it at all.

There’s also a ton more issues to worry about, like global warming, world hunger and Jisoo’s unhealthy obsession with chicken, rather than the thunderbolt spark that zaps Jennie whenever Lisa would intertwine her fingers with hers or whenever Lisa would give her one of those obnoxious little kisses on the cheek.

The weeks had rolled by fast and suddenly, Jennie is standing backstage in one of Japan’s arenas.

Each of the members had been given a solo performance to do whatever they desired. Jennie was first to finish so she had already changed into her next outfit while Rosé is still getting ready in the dressing room.

A flat screen TV is hung on one wall, channeling a footage of the scene outside. It’s mostly dark, aside from the bright pink illumination emitted by their fans’ lightsticks.

Pride funnels through Jennie, witnessing months of hard work come into a reality. It had been hellish for them in the past months, not being able to do anything to fulfill their fans’ wishes for another comeback in a span of a year. Although they were gifted with a hundred days of vacation, they were restless to release something.

The screams of the crowd increase in volume and Jennie could even hear them from where she stands. Lights have dimmed, indicating the start of the next solo performance. An audio recording announces Lisa’s entrance.

“Lalisa Manoban.”

Lisa appears after a succession of static red and pink lights on the LED screen.

“Shut up. Dance.”

Jennie may have known Lisa for around seven years now but the girl never ceases to amaze her. The aura she brings to the dancefloor has a completely different vibe from how she is in real life: goofy, aloof and charmingly awkward.

Onstage, Lisa transforms into another person, like she has this separate persona reserved for performing. Her stage presence is incredible, moving about in great confidence and everything about what she does is effortless. It’s no wonder she surpassed the auditions into YG, beating the other seven hundred hopefuls.

Jennie knows Lisa deserves this, the screams, the cheers and the high-pitched girlish shrieking of her fangirls and fanboys alike.

The music shifts and so as the lights to fit the theme of the song. Lisa tosses her jacket somewhere in the front row. Their screaming intensifies, a mixture of howling and hooting. The back-up dancers have left Lisa to be by herself, her hips swaying gracefully to the slow, low rhythm. Her hands roam all over her body, every part like a destination meant to be visited. They smooth from her head, to the sides of her neck, her chest then down to her legs and up to her torso again. It’s all so sensual and extremely mature, the utter opposite of who Lisa is.

And Jennie has the urge to splash some holy water onto the TV.

Other than that, her eyes have been transfixed onto the screen as if Lisa’s dancing has become a form of hypnosis, luring viewers into a trance. The youngest member drops to the floor, balances her weight on her arms and lifts up her legs in a mid-air split.

That’s when Jennie’s brain short-circuits.

Her throat begins to dry, her heartbeat hammering against it, and she’s achingly parched, in need of something to quench her thirst. Something that isn’t water.

Jennie had seen this during practice but the actual performance creates a distinct atmosphere, and she feels as though she has the wind knocked out from her.

Something in her stomach flips.

Oh no.

“Need some air?” Jisoo asks beside her, waiting for her cue to get on.

“W-what?”

“Before our next performance.” The older girl specifies, gazing at her with concern. “You seem tense…or something.”

“It’s time!” a staff ushers Jisoo hastily forward, rescuing Jennie from further questions.

She remains catatonic.

Her body’s reactions have clouded her mind once again. She has gone on an internal panic, the thoughts she’s having colliding fiercely with her rationalities, breaking the barrier she had constructed to protect her from unwanted notions. She’s brought back to the present after the round of applause rings in her ears.

Seeing Lisa return backstage, she’s got these dots of perspiration making her glow and oh my God, since when did sweat look so damned good on someone? There’s an indescribable heat pooling in Jennie’s belly and no amount of make-up could mask out the tinge of red painted on her cheeks.

Jennie swallows thickly.

And it’s right then and there she realizes that oh gosh.

She’s got a ridiculous girl crush on her bandmate.

***

Crushes are fine.

Everyone has them.

No big deal.

And Jennie is sure hers stems from admiration, none of that belonging beyond friendship. None of that cheesy schoolgirl romance. None of that gooey cliché falling-for-your best friend type of thing.

It’s strictly platonic.

And Jennie is a girl.

Lisa is a girl.

It just can’t be.

***

Another of YG’s rule, not only Jennie loves to break but the rest of the girls as well, is the prohibition of alcohol. It’s not that they’re banned from it (they’re well into their twenties for Pete’s sake), it’s just that their idol status prevents them from enjoying it under the scrutiny of the public eye.

Okay, so maybe it has something to do with being a female idol since there’s no problem with having their male labelmates film themselves in a drinking session. Society has certain expectations for women to uphold and YG always reminds them about the consequences if a news outbreak of a scandal were to occur.

But screw the patriarchy or whatever, because there’s no stopping Jennie from getting her hands on some fancy alcoholic beverages at the bar of the hotel they’re staying at in Indonesia.

She slides a wad of cash towards the bartender, an unspoken agreement between them to keep their little drinking spree under wraps (tabloids gaining information about this incident would send her ass to the seventh floor). Especially when their manager believes they’ve been asleep for the past hour.

Her members were reluctant at her proposal at first, Jisoo being the one to voice out her apprehension, acting as the spokesperson for the other two (the maknae line just usually go with whatever the unnis decide). Jennie had managed to convince them that they’re at a foreign country anyway (the stakes are low), there’s an exclusive VIP room they can rent (courtesy of Jennie’s precious black card) and it can serve as a celebration for the success of SOLO.

Two hours and many, many, drinks later, they’re all laughing at nothing with their faces flushed and words slurring as they speak.

Rosé had gone to the bartender requesting for more drinks (the surviving sober out of the four), taking everyone’s phones in case they would do something regretful like doing a Vlive while Jisoo twerks for the camera (it’s possible, very possible, Jennie admits).

“I think I need to pee again.” Jisoo sets her tequila sunrise on the table, wiping her bottom lip with the back of her hand. Her hair is in disarray, from the hair flipping she had been doing as they sang their lungs out to karaoke.

“Then go,” Jennie quips, her vision blurring at the sides. She’s relatively sober, at least she thinks she is, her consciousness and common sense hasn’t abandoned her yet. It’s a good sign.

“Ugh, I don’t want to get up,” Jisoo whines.

“If you’re expecting us to carry you, don’t hope.”

Jisoo pouts at her, groaning defeatedly as she pushes her chair back then exits the VIP room. It’s only when Lisa’s voice captures Jennie’s attention that it dawns on her they’re alone.

It doesn’t bother her.

“So did you find the guy in your video good-looking?” a not out-of-the-blue question since their previous topic had been the filming of Jennie’s music video in Paris.

“He was attractive,” Jennie confesses, though she can’t remember his name. Was it Toby? Tony? Cory? God, she can’t even remember which country they’re at. Jennie shuts her eyes in an attempt to regain proper thinking.

“Like I’d totally kiss you if you asked kind of attractive?” Lisa asks, her tone dropping to a fewer octaves.

It sends a chill down Jennie’s, the question hitting her differently, goosebumps prickling on her skin. She shuts her eyes harder, and the alcohol in her system is helping her divert her worries elsewhere. In effect, her mind threatens to lose its consciousness. She’s brought back when she’s abruptly reminded of Lisa’s question, so even in her disoriented state, she wills herself to reply but instead blurts out words she hadn’t planned to say:

“Yeah I’d totally kiss you if you asked.”

“What?”

“What.” Jennie’s eyes fly wide open in surprise, effectively sobering up in seconds.

“Said she’d kiss you if you asked.”

Jennie jerks her body in her seat, hand over her beating chest. “How long have you been here?!” She nearly suffers from a heart attack upon seeing Jisoo lazily slumped in her seat opposite to them with her arms folded like she’s been watching the entire exchange the whole time.

“Lice! Your mum’s calling!” Rosé peers her head into the VIP room, Lisa’s iPhone in her possession.

“Oh! Thanks, Rosie.”

Lisa runs to her, both girls presumably heading somewhere less noisy, and Jennie crosses her fingers that Lisa would have long forgotten about what she said by tomorrow. Her heart is still bounding rapidly against her ribcage and her breathing hasn’t calmed until now. She sinks in her chair, sighing at the close call.

Jisoo clears her throat. “So…you’d kiss her if she—”

“Shut up!” Jennie rises from her chair and walks away, without failing to hear Jisoo’s loud:

“You’re getting sloppy!”

***

It’s just a crush, it will go away.

The phrase has become Jennie’s morning mantra, a desperate kind of prayer, repeating it again and again until it’s completely obliterated. Until her body goes back to what she knows is normal.

Jisoo doesn’t mention it, although she does give Jennie these annoying less than subtle snickers (which is far worse in her opinion) whenever Jennie stiffens at Lisa’s touches and cuddly embrace. It’s infuriating. She and Bobby are such a match made in heaven, Jennie thinks.

But the one time, the one freaking time, Lisa hiccups in this teensie little “Hic!” Jennie’s body succumbs and she runs out of excuses to justify herself.

The three girls have gone out for the weekend but Jennie is in no mood to go shopping or hanging out. It’s difficult to enjoy herself when she’s got these thoughts troubling her day and night, robbing her from a decent sleep. She grips the sides of the sink as she studies her features on the mirror, wondering if the girl on the reflection really is a girl who could be—

No, Jennie.

No.

You are not going to go there. It’s silly, it’s absurd, it’s downright—

“LISA OPEN THE DOOR OR I’M GOING TO BREAK THIS IF YOU—oh, hey, unnie.” Rosé’s incessant knocking halts as soon as the bathroom door unlocks, with one hand clutching her stomach.

Jennie takes in Rosé’s paler than usual complexion. “You look horrible.”

“You’ll be saying the same to the toilet if you don’t leave now.”

“Oh my gosh, what happened?”

“Can’t talk or I’ll blow up!”

Jennie has no interest in listening to the rest of that, so she steps aside to let Rosé in and walks over to the living area and waits. The situation temporarily rids her of her dilemma, welcoming the distaction with open arms. When the duo do return, they’re as white as a sheet and as sick as a child during flu season, sluggishly dragging themselves to the couch for Rosé and to the floor for Jisoo (her legs couldn’t go on much longer).

“So what happened?” Jennie asks either one of them, pitying their sickly condition.

“Thanks to Jisoo-unnie’s wonderful dining recommendation.” Rosé gives Jisoo a weak glare. “We have now repainted both of our toilets.”

Jisoo makes a mere noise at the back of her throat. “Normally, I would argue, but I’m way too tired to deal with your sarcasm.”

“I’m home—woah, you all look horrible.” Lisa winces at everyone’s current state. She’s still clad in her gym attire, black Adidas leggings hugging her slender legs and white Adidas sports bra exposing those sleek fine, toned abs.

Jennie mentally slaps herself and looks away but Lisa’s worried eyes fall on her. The maknae, ever so caring, goes to Jennie’s side on the couch and feels her forehead with her palm. “Unnie! You’re red, are you burning up?”

“D-don’t!” Jennie flinches at her gesture and Lisa is unsure of what she did wrong. “Um, just don’t. Because you’ll catch whatever I have if you come near.” She spots Jisoo from her peripheral, lips pressed into an awkward thin line holding in a giggle.

Jennie wants to dig herself a hole.

“I’m going to get some fresh air.”

“Wait!” Lisa holds her wrist. “You shouldn’t go out—”

Jennie withdraws her arm rather harshly, neglecting Rosé’s confused quirk of her eyebrow. “And I’ll be back later!”

**You**

I GIVE UP

You’re right. I have feelings

For a girl

a GIRL bobby. What do i do?

**Bobby**

Hey take it easy jen

Chill out

I mean i totally get u

Lisa is fiiiiine

**You**

You are not helping

And lisa is more than that btw

God guys just looove to focus on that stuff huh

Theres more to her than how hot she is

or whatever shallow comments people have about her

Guys want to date her but have no idea who she really is

Not interested in knowing her aspirations, her dreams

and everything else that makes her whole

This shit just gets me so riled up

**Bobby**

Alright im sorry, i didnt mean it that way

But wow

Never thought i’d see that side of u lol

**You**

shut up...

***

The logical solution to this illogical problem is obviously, inarguably, without a doubt, to get rid of these unnecessary feelings.

Jennie formulates a plan in achieving her goal by being her normal self and acting as casual as she can whenever she’s with Lisa. She’s going to practice herself to lessen the stuttering, avoid the blushing and eradicate the nervous laughing. So she invites Lisa to chill at this cafe by their dorm as Jisoo and Rosé shoot their make-up commercial.

“What did you get?” Jennie asks Lisa, returning to her seat after a phone conversation with her father.

A waiter arrives, balancing a large glass of milkshake and carefully places it onto their table. He says, “One milkshake and two straws. Enjoy!”

As the waiter leaves, Jennie helplessly stammers at the date-like set up. “O-oh, you didn’t have to—”

Lisa grabs both straws and inserts them into her mouth. “Look how fast I can drink!”

Not sure if Jennie should be relieved or disappointed.

She still tries to put her plan into action by giving dating a chance.

Kai checks all the qualities Jennie searches for in a guy: he’s sexy, has some killer dance moves and is good-looking. Apart from those, he’s actually a pretty good guy and Jennie hasn’t met anyone else in a long time who hasn’t given her second thoughts for another date. She allows him to take her out again and it goes exceptionally well but Jennie’s mind isn’t in the right place and the guilt troubles her so much that she tells him she can’t be unfair to him and that was the end of it.

It’s no use.

But Jennie, being the stubborn and proud human being she is, still denies it.

***

Christmas season is Jennie’s favorite.

Everything is so festive, streams of red, white and green decorations are strewn everywhere. And since she’s spending the holidays in Japan makes it even more festive. It’s Blackpink’s tour destination numero uno and it’s much colder, chillier, than the harsh winter in Seoul.

There’s a few more hours before soundcheck and their crew is working on the lights for the stage’s set as the girls roam around freely within the arena. Jennie and Jisoo are on the stage, talking idly about this pet slash coffee shop they had visited before while the maknaes are at the bottom of the stage playing with their lightsticks by banging each other on the head competing in a who gets to hit the loudest game Lisa made.

Jennie watches them, entertained at how they’re chasing each other loudly, when Rosé trips on an unseen bump on the floor but is able to keep herself from falling on her knees. She says to Lisa, “Damn, it’s really dark in here.”

“I gotchu.” Lisa stomps her foot onto the concrete and her shoes immediately light up in colorful hues.

Jisoo turns to Jennie and knits her eyebrows as if sending her a coded message saying: you really want that one?

***

Their concert becomes a hit.

Jennie was glad the Japanese Blinks loved their Mean Girls rendition of Jingle Bell Rock.

She was up and ready to retire to her hotel room when Lisa pleads to go with her on a secret Christmas shopping since Jisoo and Rosé were too sleepy to accompany. Jennie’s rebelliousness must have rubbed off on the younger girl and the big pleading doe eyes and cute pout on her face prompts Jennie to naturally, dress warmer for the night and put on her mask.

Christmas season means most of the shops are open up until dawn to accommodate the late shoppers. Lisa was quick to do an internet search on the stores nearby their hotel and she comes across a department store just a block away, a five-minute walking distance. They stealthily make their escape, a rush of adrenaline fueling Jennie’s sleep-deprived body.

Lisa locks her hand in hers, the simple contact heating up her body better than the layers of clothing she’s wearing. Jennie doesn’t mind, holds on even tighter as Lisa leads her through the thickening crowd of frantic Christmas shoppers.

They get to the second floor of the department store, still hand in hand and Jennie feels Lisa has no plans of letting go. Something fuzzy goes off in Jennie’s stomach, like someone had released a flurry of butterflies and they have gone lose.

A girl a few feet away from them is talking to one of the store clerks. She’s inquiring about this silver flower necklace she had been eyeing on a week ago but is nowhere to be seen at present. Jennie overhears it’s for someone special. Lisa traces where Jennie’s eyes are directed at and also gapes at the scene with interest.

“She’s taking her time isn’t she?”

“Probably for her mom.” Jennie guesses. “Or best friend.”

“Or a girlfriend.”

“What?” Jennie looks up to Lisa, freezing in place. It’s as if time is in a standstill, everything else has lost their ability to move, except for Lisa. Her vision locks onto the taller girl and Jennie can’t explain it into words with what she’s currently feeling. But her heart oozes with warmth, something Jennie didn’t know she was capable of.

Lisa notices, spins on her heel and oh-so casually says the phrase Jennie’s been hearing since she was thirteen.

“Girls can like girls too.”

Lisa squeezes her hand in some sort of assurance because Jennie becomes ten times lighter and ten times warmer despite the North Pole temperature of the department store. “So what are you getting?”

The mist in Jennie’s mind has cleared and after almost ten years, it’s only then Jennie accepts the truth with a smile. “Something for someone.”

“Someone you like?”

“Yeah.”

_You._

But Jennie wouldn’t say that out loud.

Not yet.

Baby steps, Jennie. Baby steps.

“Wait, who do you like?” Lisa asks, curiosity sparkling in her eyes.

Jennie sports a mischievous grin underneath her mask then runs off to another aisle with Lisa hot on her tail.

“Unnie! You know I’ll still find out!”

That’s another problem to deal with later.

On the bright side, Jennie has finally accepted the fact that yes, girls can definitely like girls.

She takes a glance behind her at Lisa’s running figure.

And fall in love with them too.

**Author's Note:**

> hope this has been enjoyable!
> 
> i'm also available on aff with the same username (throwaway18)  
if you're curious about the rest of my works, i've posted them here as well :)
> 
> thank you for giving this story a read xx


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